Kal Penn - WTF?

It was recently announced that Kal Penn, star of such hard-hitting and critically acclaimed movies as The Namesake, Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle, and Van Wilder 2:  The Rise of Taj, has used his heavy portfolio of acting chops to gain access into a position as a liason to the Asian and Pacific Islander communities.  To this I say:  WTF?  

I say this not based solely on my doubts of his qualifications, but as a response to his outright selfishness in this era of death in the global job market.  I mean, come on.  Here is a guy who has managed to make more money than I will ever see by pretending to be high.  And now he is forsaking that lucrative career and taking up space and oxygen at the f-ing white house.  

WTF.  And p.s. the sequel to Harold and Kumar kinda sucked.  Even though I saw it while a little bit drunk.

Making Out With Billy Joel

I was discussing Billy Joel with a friend the other day and I realized something.  Normally, I like Billy Joel.  He's a respectable artist who has created a rather decent body of work over the span of his career.  But I definitely wouldn't say I love him.  However, once I've had a couple of drinks in me, Billy Joel suddenly becomes the best music I have ever heard and I would totally throw my bra up on stage at him if I ever felt the need to go see him perform.  In this way, Billy Joel is that guy you know, the one who is kinda funny, not necessarily attractive, but not horrible to look at, who during the day would only warrant a high five, possibly a hug in terms of physical contact.  But once you get wasted . . . all of a sudden he's hilarious, charming, and cute, and you end up having to hear the next morning that you got so drunk last night you actually hooked up with Billy Joel.  This inspired me to think of all the things in my life that, metaphorically speaking, I find decent sober, but fall in love with whilst drunk.

-Hummus-

Hummus, as a food, is all right.  It comes in lots of varieties, goes on various different things, and can be a decent, healthy snack.  But when you're drunk around hummus . . . all of a sudden hummus is the best invention ever, and you want to quit school and start a hummus farm in the middle east.  Hummus is that kinda dirty, but sorta cute hippy kid you see outside smoking at all hours of the day and night.  The same goes for most of the vegetarian slop that my roommate prepares in addition to anything that has cheese as an ingredient.  

-The Travel Channel-

During the day, the Travel Channel is an informative alternative to MTV and most of the other reality smut that is shown on every other channel for 18 hours out of the day.  However, after a late night, the Travel Channel is fascinating, enthralling, and a little bit sexy.  It's a shameful tease that it goes off the air at 3 a.m. to make room for Shamwow infomercials.  Essentially, the Travel Channel is that brainy know-it-all whose smarts go from annoying to sexy after the booze sets in.  You know, the one who knows a lot about everything but drinking and inevitably passes out early.

-My Cell Phone-

Yes, my cell phone is important to me at all times, as I do not have a landline and it is therefor my primary link to the outside world.  If I can't find it during the day it's moderately troublesome.  After I have been drinking, my cell phone is my world, and if I can't find it my entire night is ruined and I may cry.  My cell phone is that ex-boyfriend who I think about intermittently while sober, but lament, cry, and facebook stalk while drunk, especially if vodka is involved.

-Cigarettes-

Throughout the day I may have a cigarette or three, depending on how far I'm driving or how stressed I am.  If I have been drinking, they are my best friend, my favorite pass time, and a comforting companion.  Cigarettes are that boy you know is bad for you, doesn't treat you well or make you feel good about yourself, but is just goddamn irresistible.

There you have it.  We make stupid choices when we're drunk, and they don't always involve waking up in a WTF situation.  What is the solution?  To not drink of course, but that's no fun.  So, I propose surrounding yourself with things you ordinarily love while drinking, because odds are they will just become more awesome.