So, it's been a rough day.  I got a parking ticket, hit a curb, and have a ton of homework with no end in sight.  So, Alana and I decided to do what never fails to make us chuckle:  we watched the Aristocats.  As I was watching, I realized the movie is both adorable, yet also disturbing in many ways.

- The lady wants to leave her fortune to her cats.  That's right.  Not to the people who would take care of her cats.  The cats themselves.  This brings loneliness to a whole new level.  I know people who love their pets a lot, but I don't know anyone who would leave their life's fortune to kittens.  One can only imagine the story of this unmarried, childless woman's life.  

-Thomas O'Malley the alley cat.  Thomas starts trying to woo Duchess when he meets her, but gets freaked when he finds out she has kittens.  It's similar to watching flirting take place in a trailer park.   

-Toulousse - While the other two kittens are clever and resourceful, their pudgy tan sibling seems to be a certain degree of retarded, plunking himself on the piano and splattering paint on the others during "Scales and Arpegios".  While Marie and Berlios are performing music, Toulousse is left to finger paint obscure artwork of the butler, Edgar.

-Roofies - Speaking of Edgar, he fucking roofies the cats, placing sleeping pills in their milk and then transporting their unconscious bodies to an undisclosed location.  While fucking Jafar is at least a magical enough villain to date-rape Jasmine, Edgar has to roofie animals.  What a loser.

I'll give more upon another viewing.

In light of recent personal events, I am offering advice to countless girls and boys everywhere.  Behold, Jenn's top five reasons of why to not get back with an ex:

5)  Awkward interim hookups:

- In the rare event that things will be going well when you and your ex reconnect, there is one thing that will always come up, and will always (most likely) start a cycle of shit with you and your ex.  That is, of course, the dreaded discussion of who, how many, and to what extent did you hook up with people while the two of you were separated.  In this conversation there are two options, neither of which are very palatable:  be honest, or lie.  If you lie, your new/old relationship will be founded on a base of distrust, and most likely crumble.  If you tell the truth, you will both be forced to confront the unappealing mental image of each other banging random people.  Either way, it's not a good prelude to a loving situation.

4)  Friend fall-out:

- After the initial breakup, all your friends/pets had to listen to you sob and/or bitch about your ex.  They most likely helped convince you that you're better off, more attractive, and possibly even more skillful sexually.  When you give them the good news that the two of you are back together, don't be surprised to see rolling eyes and possibly thrown objects.  Don't put your nearest and dearest through the same torment.  Find someone new.

3)  No first time excitements:

- You know the butterflies you get the first time you kiss someone?  Or sex somebody?  Forget all that when you get back together with an ex.  The sex will be the same, more or less, unless they scored some new moves/diseases from topic number 5.  Yucky.

2)  Past precedents:

- The most exciting thing about a new relationship is all the new things the two of you will find to fight about.  With a rekindled flame, you will most likely fight about old times, reminiscing about reasons the two of you still have to resent each other.  It's even more frustrating and less invigorating than the fiery fight of new lovebirds.

1)  You broke up for a reason:

- When you see your ex and they lost weight, or got a nice haircut, or have become otherwise more attractive, it might be easy to forget the things that are still the same about them.  Like their personality.  Obviously it didn't work out for you guys before.  Unless you've gone through some major life changes (like a lobotomy), most likely your personalities will come to the same clash that they have before.  Do yourself a favor and think long and hard not only about the breakup, but the month preceding it.  The (most likely) sexless span of 30 days or so that you spent glaring at each other or responding sarcastically to anything the other said.  

When all is said and done, sometimes love just isn't enough, people.  If the timing isn't right, or too much is going on, then sometimes you just have to cut your losses and learn from your mistakes.  It might sound harsh, but it's better than wasting your time and getting your hopes up.