SPOILER
I just saw 28 Weeks later.
Hey, France. Britain's totally calling you out. They're gonna fuck you up . . . with zombies. At least that's how I interpreted it.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
This is a rant I've been working on for quite some time, so get ready. It may be a doozie.
It has come to my attention that everyone and their mother now plays guitar. It seems everywhere I go, people are strumming away; dorms, street corners, subways, even the homeless guy outside my apartment has a guitar. Now, I think everyone agrees music is a wonderful thing, and for the most part makes the world a better, happier place. However, there is one issue I have with the ever-growing, pick-wielding crowd: what most of you are producing is not by any means, in any context, actually considered music. You might be able to do some impressive scales, you may even be putting some chords together in some form or pattern. But this is not music. And this non-music that you are making, contrary to popular belief, does not sound better louder. And it does not make you seem cool.
In fact, what you musican'ts are doing is severely dismantling the time honored truth that took decades to engineer, and that is the fact that playing, or even holding a guitar makes one at least 30% more attractive. Case and point: John Mayer. John Mayer isn't currently at the height of his attractiveness, but let's examine him in his hey day, 2001-2003 ish. His Maye Day, if you will. On the cover of Room For Squares he appears to be decent looking at best, goofily smiling, sitting next to a guitar. Fast forward to 2003's Heavier Things. Here, the cover is a smoldering Mayer is holding the guitar. This album debuted at #1. Room for Squares did not. See the correlation. Guitar = Hot. Hot = Sales. Or at least it used to.
What was once a tool for the un-hot to become hot is now a hackneyed hobby for slacker college students. This overabundance of people who think they can play guitar has severely affected the hotness that once accompanied the skill. Guitar related hotness has plummeted from a formerly substantial 30% to a measely 15%. That's a decline of half the hotness associated with the instrument.
These startling figures, however, have not deterred the guitar-massacring crowds. They still play on, seemingly unaware that as they make a sham out of "Stairway to Heaven", Bob Dylan's last chances of hotness are fast fading because of them. But Bob needn't worry. Because fortunately he still has a chance, because he plays another instrument: the harmonica.
The Harmonica's hotness is subtle, but should not be ignored. I once knew a kid with a case full of them, all in different pitches and keys. You can imagine how hot that was. Whew.
So maybe not the harmonica. Definitely not the basoon. But there must be some other instrument that could bring hotness to the hotless for years to come. Whether it be tuba, trumpet, or triangle. We must all do our parts to stop misguided guitarism. Cause honestly, if we don't give it a rest and try something new, the guitar could lose its hotness forever. And I just can't see myself living in a world where the guitar is the new accordion.
It has come to my attention that everyone and their mother now plays guitar. It seems everywhere I go, people are strumming away; dorms, street corners, subways, even the homeless guy outside my apartment has a guitar. Now, I think everyone agrees music is a wonderful thing, and for the most part makes the world a better, happier place. However, there is one issue I have with the ever-growing, pick-wielding crowd: what most of you are producing is not by any means, in any context, actually considered music. You might be able to do some impressive scales, you may even be putting some chords together in some form or pattern. But this is not music. And this non-music that you are making, contrary to popular belief, does not sound better louder. And it does not make you seem cool.
In fact, what you musican'ts are doing is severely dismantling the time honored truth that took decades to engineer, and that is the fact that playing, or even holding a guitar makes one at least 30% more attractive. Case and point: John Mayer. John Mayer isn't currently at the height of his attractiveness, but let's examine him in his hey day, 2001-2003 ish. His Maye Day, if you will. On the cover of Room For Squares he appears to be decent looking at best, goofily smiling, sitting next to a guitar. Fast forward to 2003's Heavier Things. Here, the cover is a smoldering Mayer is holding the guitar. This album debuted at #1. Room for Squares did not. See the correlation. Guitar = Hot. Hot = Sales. Or at least it used to.
What was once a tool for the un-hot to become hot is now a hackneyed hobby for slacker college students. This overabundance of people who think they can play guitar has severely affected the hotness that once accompanied the skill. Guitar related hotness has plummeted from a formerly substantial 30% to a measely 15%. That's a decline of half the hotness associated with the instrument.
These startling figures, however, have not deterred the guitar-massacring crowds. They still play on, seemingly unaware that as they make a sham out of "Stairway to Heaven", Bob Dylan's last chances of hotness are fast fading because of them. But Bob needn't worry. Because fortunately he still has a chance, because he plays another instrument: the harmonica.
The Harmonica's hotness is subtle, but should not be ignored. I once knew a kid with a case full of them, all in different pitches and keys. You can imagine how hot that was. Whew.
So maybe not the harmonica. Definitely not the basoon. But there must be some other instrument that could bring hotness to the hotless for years to come. Whether it be tuba, trumpet, or triangle. We must all do our parts to stop misguided guitarism. Cause honestly, if we don't give it a rest and try something new, the guitar could lose its hotness forever. And I just can't see myself living in a world where the guitar is the new accordion.
It has been two years since I last glanced at this thing, and all I have to say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry to the teacher who assigned this to me, and I mistook for a livejournal, what people did before "blogging". I'm sorry to any person(s) who happened upon it accidentally, unaware of the shitstorm of irrelevant and self-indulgent thought they were about to endure. I'm sorry that it's pink. What is striking is that a lot of my opinions haven't changed. I still think ipods are best if used to ignore people. I still think the choices you make in life will always be of some importance, no matter how minute they may seem. But I don't listen to yellowcard anymore. And if I write poetry, it's not usually about my latest break up. So I think I will take up this shiz again. Minus the bullshit. Minus the bear.
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